


Realitystuck

by fryingpanspecibus13



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Multi, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-02
Updated: 2013-02-23
Packaged: 2017-11-27 23:03:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/667460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fryingpanspecibus13/pseuds/fryingpanspecibus13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sburb finds its way into our universe and everthing gets messed up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First time using Archiveofourown. Please be patient as I learn the ropes.

==> Be Sollux  
You are now Sollux. Honestly, you don't know why you're even doing something so out of character right now.  
twinArmageddons began trolling samuraiPonytail  
TA: hii  
SP: Sollux-chan! XD.  
TA: what ii2 that?  
SP: What is what?  
TA: that 'chan' thing. iit2 abhorrent.  
SP: Silly Sollux-chan. Oops! I forgot!  
TA: forgot what?  
SP: People are going to die today! XD.  
TA: you 2eem exciited.  
SP: Let me rephrase. Bad people are dying today. I've got to tell Munson Burner! XD.  
TA: whatever. ii fiind your 2peciie2 weiird.  
SP: Says the troll. Hussie is such an asshole :(.  
TA: who?  
SP: He's a magical man. He created you. Every. Single. One. Of. You.  
TA: yeah, ok  
SP: It's true! Why does Karkat believe me, but not you? Come on Sollux, we have a connection! We're Doom buddies! Remember?  
TA: iif you're referriing to the fact that we 2hare an a2pect, then ye2 ii 2uppo2e we are 'doom buddiie2'  
SP: Yay! :DD.  
TA: ii ju2t made the biggest mii2take, diidn't ii?  
SP: Aw :(. Now you made me sad, Sollux.  
SP[samuraiPonytail] blocked TA[twinArmageddons]  
TA: that won't work.  
TA[twinArmageddons] ceased trolling SP[samuraiPonytail]

==> Be samuraiPonytail.

You are now samuraiPonytail. For security reasons, you cannot disclose your last name. Instead, you are simply SARA.

==> Look around your room.

You gaze lovingly at the INUYASHA posters on your wall. Really, is there anyone more majestic than the half-breed? You don't think so, but your mother disagrees. She is more into SESSHOMARU than you care to admit.

==> Cut the bullshit

Hmph. You hop out of your cool spinning chair, stretching your legs. On the computer desk lies a mangled copy of your dearest INUYASHA. You don't captchalouge it, because that kind of thing just doesn't exist. Instead, you pick it up, neatly placing it back into the bookshelf.

==> Go on with introduction.

You huff at the voice(s) in your head. Really, they should learn to have some patience.

==> Girl, I will cut you.  
Your name is SARA as previously stated. You love ANIME and that's all there is to it. Recently, you have gotten into the HOMESTUCK fandom, a story way to complicated to recite. You have a passion for SINGING, especially in JAPANESE, even if you can't speak it. You also have an affinity for SHOUJO MANGA. If you had a strife specibus, it would be one of the FRYING PAN kind. Damn it, you need to get one of those. Your pesterchum handle is samuraiPonytail and you type with precision because anything else would be degrading.

==> Finally.

The voices in your head are very bitchy today. They've been there ever since you started to read Homestuck. Oh well, time to break the news to your good friend, magicallyScientific.

==> Sara, pester magicallyScientific.

Ok, ok, sheesh. Hush up, you stupid voices.

samuraiPonytail began pestering magicallyScientific

SP: Amanda! :DDDD  
MS: what?  
SP: John died again! It's almost time! :DD.  
MS: ...that's so depressing. Why did you tell me that? And anyway, I thought the tricksters were going after Dirk?  
SP: They are~ But soon, a phenomenon unlike any other will send them here! Aren't you excited~?  
MS: Sure I am.  
SP: Then what's the problem?  
MS: Won't this fuck up the space/time/paradox shit?  
SP: You let me worry about that, Slyph of Breath.  
MS: I think I will, Knight of Doom.  
SP: I can't wait to play Sburb! :DD.  
MS: Wait, we're playing Sburb? Who, how, when, where, what?!  
SP: Hush. All will be revealed in time.  
MS: Now I wish I was Doom. All I can do is the Windy Thing, and not even that!  
SP: Hehe, you'll find out how to work it. Be patient, Amanda.  
MS: I'll try. So what'd the voices say?  
SP: They're bitching at me again. Some mafia drug lord or something close to that is going to get shot. I think it has something to do with our session, but I'm not sure...  
MS: Alright. Keep me posted.  
SP: Will do! :DD

SP [samuraiPonytail] ceased pestering MS[magicallyScientific]


	2. Chapter 2

==> Be magicallyScientific

Well duh who else would you be? You're name is Amanda, you will not tolerate anyone calling you Munson Burner from this point on unless your name is Sara.

==> Look around your room

Your walls are completely bare you should really hang some posters or something, you would but you may have lost them in the maze of books that is your room it might help if you would get rid of some of them- I WILL DO NO SUCH THING!

==> stop you're wasting time you should be doing something productive

But surprise surprise you continue to sit on your floor and scroll through tumblr and pester your friends from time to time, speaking of which you have a message from samuraiPonytail. She probably has some info on the trolls she wants to tell you. You were actually the person wh introduced Sara to homestuck so you would have someone to talk to about it, see not a very long story at all.

==> Answer samuraiPonytail

You then proceed to have this conversation

==> That's it? You're not going to give a proper introduction?

No.

==> Be the more cooperative person

You are now Sara again. Wait, you were always Sara, you were never anyone but Sara.

==> Get on with it

Bitch, I'll work at my own pace. Gog, those stupid voices are irritating. Now you know how Aradia feels.

==> Deploy troll horns

You put on the troll horns you made. They're shaped like Aradia's, since she is one of your favorite trolls.

==> Quit it!

Ok, ok! Stupid voices are so demanding.

==> Go watch tv

You immediately switch on your small tv. It's cute and silvery and damn it you've had it since you were a fourth grader. You could never get rid of your precious baby.

==> Change the channel.

You pick up the remote and change it to channel 4, because you saw it in a vision. Since it's pre-determined, you were going to do it anyway. You reflect heavily on that sentence and wonder if it even makes sense.

==> Watch in sedated suspense

A building exploded. Not just any building either. It was the Eiffel Tower. Yep, you read right. The Eiffel Tower.

==> Zone out

You proceed to zone out. Let's go to someone else.

==> Be that mysterious guy at the computer.

You are now the mysterious guy at the computer. Actually, no. He is too mysterious to be at the moment. Let's go back to magicallyScientific.

==> Be Amanda

You are now Amanda. You're not going into the whole, "But I was always Amanda!" thing. You don't do that. You're too scientific to think like that.

==> Go do something.

You go do something. Tumblr is too chaotic at the moment. Maybe some fan fiction will appease your soul? You can't believe you just thought that.

==> Be Andrew Hussie.

You are now Hussie. Besides fucking around with the fandom's feelings, you have nothing much to do today. You check on your little adventurers in their boat. Suddenly, a small white hole appears, and they're on a collision course.

==> Panic beautifully

You proceed to flap your arms like an aquatic bird. You can't directly interfere anymore than you have and to do so would upset the universe.

==> Watch the white hole

You watch as the group gets sucked in. Farther away, you see the same thing happen to those on the meteor. Fuck.

==> Try to think of a solution.

Nothing comes to mind, unfortunately.

==> Get pestered.

Your computer beeps, indicating a message. Curious, you click on the Pesterchum logo that wasn't there before. Your chumhandle is now andrewHussie.

SP[samuraiPonytail] began pestering AH[andrewHussie]

SP: Hi Hussie!  
AH: Who are you.  
SP: I can't tell you that, beautiful ;D.  
AH: You're a fan, aren't you?  
SP: Le gasp! How'd you know?  
AH: I just do.  
SP: Hehe, as expected of the beautiful Hussie.  
AH: Please don't call me beautiful. It's creepy.  
SP: Aw ;(  
AH: Why are you contacting me?  
SP: Everyone disappeared, right? I'm kind of like your guardian angel. I exist in your universe as well. I'm a Knight of Doom.  
AH: Does this mean we're all dying?  
SP: Not everyone. You'll survive Hussie. I can't think of a single instance where you died. The universe really likes you.  
AH: I see. So, what did you want to tell me?  
SP: A solution to your problem. Send the missing characters from the past here, instead of to the Alphaverse. It's your only solution. It's because of those tricksters. Time shenanigans.  
AH: The tricksters?  
SP: Yep~ Anyway, what do ya say?  
AH: I don't have much choice, do I?  
SP: Nope!  
AH: Tell me what I need to do.  
SP: You need Time and Space together. Use your scientific powers to send them onto a different course.  
AH: Will do. Huss out.

AH[andrewHussie] ceased pestering SP[samuraiPonytail]

==> Be Sara.

You are now Sara. After your conversation with Hussie, you check your Memo logs.

[currentsamuraiPonytail] posted on memo at 9:30 hours.

[cSP]: The Huss is fixing shiz. I did mah part.

[futuresamuraiPonytail] responded at 500 hours.

fSP: Good job sweetie. Sollux-chan says hii.  
cSP: Hi Sollux! Anyway, what's the next step?  
fSP: AlphaBeta. You know what to do.  
cSP: Aye aye captain!

[currentsamuraiPonytail] logged off.


	3. Chapter 3

==> Be the odd girl sitting on her bed at home with a dog.

You are now the odd girl sitting on her bed at home with her dog. You know she probably has a name right? We should figure that out.

==> Enter name.  
Lonely interwentch.  
The girl shakes her head and jumps on her bed in protest. Nice going jackass.

== Reenter name.  
Krystal Hazlett

==>

You're name is KRYSTAL HAZLETT. It is not your birthday though you wish it was. You are fourteen years old, and have a number of INTERESTS. You enjoy reading fantasy and fiction books by the dozens, though you USUALLY FAIL TO FINISH THEM DUE TO THEIR ODD HABIT OF DISAPPEARING. You love the INTERNET AND PESTERCHUM. You're rarely ever logged off of those things. Seriously, you have to get a life sooner or later. You enjoy DRAWING, BUT YOU'RE NOT VERY GOOD AT IT. You have a number of FAMILY MEMBERS, BUT YOUR GRANDMA IS THE CLOSEST TO YOU. Your room is a TOTAL FUCKING MESS YET YOU KNOW WHERE THE MAJORITY OF EVERYTHING IS. It's only big enough for two small desks, a dresser and your bed to be inside, not like you need much room anyways - your dog sleeps at the foot of your bed regardless.

==> Stop procrastinating and get shit done.

HAHAHAHAHAHA- OH.. You... You were serious...

==> Be that mysterious kid again.

You are now that mysterious kid. Your name is LEON. You have a variety of interests, including but not limited to, ANIME, HORSEBACK RIDING, and LEARNING NEW LANGUAGES. You currently speak over ten different languages, including dead ones. Your chum handle is aspiringStar and yoU tend to idolize Calliope.

==>Pester MS

AS[aspiringStar] began pestering MS[magicallyScientific]

AS: are we set Up yet?  
MS: For what?  
AS: the game.  
MS: Oh Gog. I just found out today.  
AS: wow. really?  
MS: Yes really.  
AS: ha! someone has fallen oUt of grace.  
MS: You're a creeper.  
AS: what?  
MS: Just face it. You're very creepy.  
AS: i am no sUch thing. yoU are just jealoUs.  
MS: Of what?  
AS: Of falling oUt of grace.  
MS: What the hell are you on?!  
AS: meth. bUt that's not the issUe.  
MS: Wow. Just when I started to like you even less. You know, Sara doesn't like druggies.  
AS: i was kidding.  
MS: Oh, were you?  
AS: Yes. I'm serious. I was just kidding.  
MS: You're lucky I'm nice.  
AS: Urgggg  
MS: Ha!  
AS: well, since i am in the game already, i woUld like to know when i am able to meet doom.  
MS: What?!  
AS: in fact, she tells me she is my server player.  
MS: That means she'll be the last to come in, dumbfuck.  
AS: WHAT?!  
MS: Ahahahahaha! You got duped.  
AS: ...

AS[aspiringStar] ceased pestering MS[magicallyScientific]

==> Bang your head

You proceed to bang your head against the desk. You should've known SP would do this. She even told you she would, but you wouldn't believe her.

==> Be Amanda

You are back to Amanda! After this conversation, you spin in your chair, simply because it's fun. But because you don't have a computer desk or chair in your room you leave your laptop to go downstairs and spin in a computer chair.

==> Stop lollygagging!

You can't believe you thought/heard that. Who says lollygagging anymore?

==> Pester Krystal

MS[magicallyScientific] began pestering HN[hyperactiveNovelist]

MS: The douchbag of Hope is in the game.  
HN: Who?  
MS: Oh, right, you don't know him.  
MS: He's a creeper. His name's Leon. He lives in Italy and has this weird sadomasochistic fixation on samuraiPonytail.  
HN: I'll take your word for it~  
MS: Anyway, since our world is now being destroyed by meteors, we need to get into the game.  
HN: OH, CAN I GO IN?  
MS: Sure. I'd rather have you as my server than the creepy douchbag. His handle is aspiringStar.  
HN: I will see you in the game!

HN[hyperactiveNovelist] ceased pestering MS[magicallyScientific]

==> Be Krystal.

You are now Krystal. Finally, you can play Sburb. You hope Amanda was kidding when she said aspiringStar was a creepy douchebag.

==> Pester aspiringStar

HN[hyperactiveNovelist] began pestering AS[aspiringStar]

AS: who is this?  
HN: I'm Krystal!  
AS: i care becaUse?  
HN: samuraiPonytail asked me to play the game! She wants me to go in next.  
AS: of coUrse.  
HN: Then let's do this!

HN[hyperactiveNovelist] ceased pestering AS[aspiringStar]

==> Be someone else.

You are now someone else. Your significance is not known yet, but soon, you too, will play Sburb. But for now, we'll just leave you to your Yu-Gi-Oh cards.

==> Be Sara

You are now Sara again. Jegus, the other characters will feel unappreciated. But oh well.

==> Pester twinArmageddons

SP[samuraiPonytail] began pestering TA[twinArmageddons]

SP: :P I need your help.  
TA: what ii2 iit?  
SP: Convince Eridan to pester Amanda.  
TA: why?  
SP: You will soon see, Doom buddy.  
TA: oh gog no. what are you planniing?  
SP: I'm just doing mah job. You should understand :(.  
TA: fiine. you owe me one.  
SP: Of course! ;D

TA[twinArmageddons] ceased trolling SP[samuraiPonytail]

==> Be Amanda.  
You are Amanda and your jaw has just hit the core of the fucking Earth.

　


	4. Chapter 4

==>Be Eridan

You are Eridan. Against your better judgment, you have taken Feferi's advice and began to troll some human.

==> Troll MS

CA[caligulasAquarium] began trolling MS[magicallyScientific]

CA: my dear friend feferi has asked i troll you.  
MS: OMFG.  
CA: wwhat?  
MS: HOLY SHIT I MUST BE HIGH OR SOMETHING. SOME SNEAKY BASTARD SLIPPED SOMETHING IN MY DRINK/FOOD.  
CA: this wwas a stupid idea.

CA[caligulasAquarium] ceased trolling MS[magicallyScientific]

==> Be Amanda

You are staring at your screen in utter shock. What just happened was SCIENTIFICALLY IMMPOSSIBLE HE'S IN A UNIVERSE THAT DOESN'T EXIST HOW DID YOU JUST GET A MESSAGE FROM HIM

==> Question science

That was an a crazy thought that will NOT be tolerated You must get down to the bottom of this immediately!

==> this isn't a good idea

FOR SCIENCE

MS [magicallyScientific] began pestering CA [caligulasAquarium]

MS: explain yourself, you are not supposed to exist

CA: howw do i knoww you don't exist? it'd be just like that damned sollux to fake something like this

MS: cause i simply am i know i exist and I know you don't, you are a fictional character

CA: if i don't exist, howw are you talking to me? huh? explain that lowwblooded human.

MS: okay first of all, all humans have the same color blood so if that was an insult you failed. Secondly i asked first

CA: you should all die then. look, let's just agree we both exist. i didn't evven wwant to do this in the first place.

MS: Then why did you

CA: because fef asked.

MS: that's sweet but you do know she doesn't love you

CA: yeah. wwait howw did you knoww?!

MS: Cause i'm god

MS: peasant

CA: lies. you're the peasant lowwblood.

MS: well how else do you explain how i know?

CA: sollux. he's a crafty bastard that one.

MS: I have not talked to him once

CA: wwhy should i believve that?

MS: cause i'm god and i said so

CA: then you are a false god that should die.

MS: well you can't exactly kil me over the internet

MS: So i win

MS[magicallyScientific] ceased pestering CA [caligulasAquarium]

CA: it is a false vvictory

==> Cheer loudly in victory

You refuse but you will spin in your computer chair that you have to walk all the way downstairs to get. It occurs to you that you failed to find out how he contacted you in the first place…

==> Be Krystal

You are Krystal and you can't believe what your screen is saying. TA[twinArmageddons] began trolling HN[hyperactiveNovelist]

HN: /holy shit/  
HN: .. DUDE, tell me I'm not high. Please. I'll be so pissed if thus is a dream or prank.  
HN: I think I need new glasses.  
HN: This*  
HN: I CANT EVEN TYPE RIGHT  
TA: thii2 ii2nt a dream and ii think you might need new gla22e2  
TA: your typiing 2kiill2 2uck by the way  
HN: well fuck you too, captor.  
TA: how the hell do you know my name and 2econdly, ii'd rather fuck fii2hface  
HN: I know you because I do, hush now and let me speak.  
HN: I'm preeetty sure you know who I am, or if you don't it's Krys.  
TA: kry2? A male2 name?  
HN: shut uuup, it's short for Krystal.  
HN: BACK ON TOPIC NOW.  
HN: what do you want?

==>Months before the events of the present, but not by many.

TA[twinArmageddons] began trolling SP[samuraiPonytail]

TA: who are you?  
SP: Hi Sollux! :DD.  
TA: how do you know who ii am?  
SP: Silly Sollux! Of course I know who you are! I'm from an alternate universe of those kids Karkat wants to troll.  
TA: why diid your handle pop up? you diidn't answer my que2tiion.  
SP: Maybe a future version of myself sent it? Haha, that bitch. My name is Sara. In my universe, your universe is fictional. Just the random musings of a beautiful being.  
TA: ii am not liikely two beliieve that rubbii2h.  
SP: Meh. My biggest question is how I'm even communicating with you if I'm from a universe where you don't exist.  
TA: my technology ii2 far 2uperiior to your2. of cour2e ii can contact you any tiime ii want.  
SP: Cool~!  
TA: ye2 ii am cool.  
SP: Hai hai~~~! Sugoi, Sollux-chan!  
TA: what the hell wa2 that?  
SP: Sorry. Random Japanese. I'm so sorry TT~TT  
TA: uh, don't cry?  
SP: OK! :DD.  
TA: you are fuckiing weiird.  
SP: Thank you.  
TA: iit wa2nt a compliiment.  
SP: Like I care. I take it as a compliment.  
SP: It's all how you perceive things Sollux-chan~!  
TA: riight.  
SP: Haha, so is Karkat epically trolling John yet or not?  
TA: how do you know?  
SP: I told you dear Sollux.  
SP: You are from a fictional universe.  
TA: let2 2ay ii beliieve you for now.  
SP: Yay! Well anyway, I'm assuming my future self wanted you to upgrade my Pesterchum so I can talk to her in the future.  
TA: that ii2 too ea2y  
SP: So will you do it?  
TA: no  
SP: TT~TT I'm sorry. It's because I'm terrible aren't I? I'm the lowest of the low. This life is too cruel.  
TA: whoa, don't kiill your2elf. ii wiill upgrade iit for you 2o ju2t keep liiviing.  
SP: Really?  
TA: 2ure  
SP: Thank you! I am loving you so much right now~!  
TA: w-what?  
SP: I. Am. Loving. You. So. Much. Right. Now. Wanna. Be. Moirails?  
TA: ii've been talkiing to you for not even five minute2. and yet, you want to enter a relatiion2hiip you know nothiing about?  
SP: Sure! We can be Doom buddies! :DD.  
TA: ...why the fuck not?

TA[twinArmageddons] ceased trolling SP[samuraiPonytail]

==> Be Leon  
You did as the lovely Sara asked and prototyped the kernel sprite with a supposed magical ring said to summon hell fires. But since she assured you magic wasn't real, you feel a bit better about it.

==> Examine the little black people  
You give them an inquisitive look. They appear to be hostile. Good thing you have your trusty sword with you.

==> Slice those fuckers in half!  
Without hesitation, you begin to slash left and right. They don't stand a chance against you.

==> Consult with the kernel sprite  
Your dear cat Sebastian had been cruelly tossed into the sprite after the first prototype. His glorious dark fur had changed to a hideous piss yellow.

Spritelog:

Sebastiansprite: Merow!  
AS: oh my poor kitty!  
Sebastiansprite: Leon!  
AS: i'm sorry dear. it's my fault. tell me, what should i do?  
Sebastiansprite: Sometimes what you should do isn't always what others would do.  
AS: so do i keep killing stuff?  
Sebastiansprite: Pretty much yeah.

==> Kill those black bastards.  
Even if they have soft fur and cute fuzzy ears, you must do this. For Narnia.

==> We're done here  
You don't waste any time in switching to another person. Who will you be?  
You cannot be Sara. Pick another one


End file.
